Saturday, July 15, 2017

Conversations with Evie (sort of)

Chapter one: Back seat eavesdropper. 

In the car after dinner

Eric to me: Do you want dessert?

Evie (from backseat): Yes.

Eric to me: What about Meet Fresh?

Evie: Yes.

Eric to me: Ice cream?

Evie: YES.

Eric to me: Cupcakes?

Evie: Yes.

Monday, September 12, 2016

So what do you do all day?

I get asked that a lot. I always mutter something along the lines of "oh yknow.. laundry... and house stuff... MY GOD THE WEATHER IS GREAT TODAY." 

In reality, from the minute Eric leaves for work til around 8PM, all I do is work to keep Evie alive. And turns out, it is extremely hard to keep something that is constantly trying to kill itself alive.

But since that sounds pretty vague, here's a play-by-play of my Monday with Evie. 

Oh good morning Evie. What's that? You'd like to make us aware of your consciousness through the blasting baby monitor? You're going to have to wait for daddy to cave cause mommy is a sleeping cold hearted MONSTER.

It sounds like Evie has moved past calling out mama and onto repeatedly hitting her crib rails with that toy she found. EXCELLENT. That'll buy me another 30m of shut eye.

HA. Eric caved and is changing her diaper and feeding her. That's good, that's good. I'm going to call this "bonding time" and repeatedly remind him how great it is that he gets this "bonding time".

Oh shit, today is when I was going to bring her to her first day of storytime at the library. SHIT. WE'RE GOING TO BE LATE AND THEN SHE'LL BE BEHIND IN KINDERGARTEN, FAIL OUT OF HIGH JR HIGH AND BUM OFF OF ME FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. WE GTG.

But I'm hungry. What's that they say anyways? Happy wife = happy life? I'm sure that applies for children as well. Happy mother =  little brother? Heh heh heh. heh. heh. Goddammit, she ate all my food.

We made it. We had to forfeit changing out of PJs but thankfully your aunt Betty keeps you well supplied in trendy jackets and I dug a hair clip out of the dark recesses of your carseat. So at least from the waist up you look decent. Pbt, let's be real, no one has time to dress up their kids.

My god that little boy is well dressed. His plaid shirt is even rolled up at the sleeves. He's like a mini asian Jason Mraz. NO EVIE, DO NOT EAT THAT FLY.

It's time for nap #1. Excellent. Let's feed you lunch and then we can drive around listening to a combination of classical music and Cedarmont Kids until you fall asleep. Thank God for the 1287th time we got a hybrid.

UGH. Baa Baa Black Sheep AGAIN. Ooo, grandma said she can watch you so mommy can go to the gym today. I'm going go for TWO HOURS at LEAST so I can listen to all the sexually suggestive, foul languaged pop music I want.

Good afternoon Evie, we're at Whole Foods now. We are here to pick up a banana. That's right, a SINGLE banana. Because we are here pretty much everyday now because you like to look at fruits and wave at strangers. After this we'll go to grandma's and then mommy will go to the gym for AT LEAST TWO HOURS for a glorious break from you.


I wonder how Evie is doing. Is she crying? Did she have her poop yet? She looked a little sad when I left her. Maybe she is distraught now and grandma won't watch her again after this. We can't have that happen...

No but really. How is Evie doing? Why isn't grandma responding to my texts? OMG did the cat attack her?!? I saw him on the street when I rounded the corner driving to the gym. That's definitely in proximity of Evie. She could have been mauled! Maybe that's why grandma isn't responding!


Evie is having the time of her life with uncle david. Did she just call him mama?

Loading her in the car so we can get her home before there is a poop explos-- why is my hand wet?

There was so much poop we need to take a bath. No Evie, don't eat the soap. No, Evie. Don't put your head under the water. Why did you put your head under the water? Yeah, now you regret it huh? Okok, you're right, it was the water's fault. HOW DARE IT attack you.

Looks like you're ready for nap #2. Let's go drive around and listen to Cedarmont Kids again. Thank god for the 1288th time that we got a hybrid.

SHE MADE IT. Now I can clean up the disaster zone of a living room where she pulled everything out of the cabinets. And the kitchen. And her room... oh and I got to hose down her carseat cause it's got poop smeared all over it. Maybe I'll get enough time to make food for daddy who may or may not make it back in time for dinner?

txt to Eric: Hey, have you left yet? <insert cute picture of Evie from the day>
translation: WHY AREN'T YOU HOME YET. I've spent the past two hours reading Where's Spot to her (spoiler: he's in the goddamn basket). She's had dinner which prompted another poop, and she's pulled everything out of the living room, kitchen, and bedroom drawers again. She's currently banging away on the piano which I happily let her so she can explore her musical side but turns out her likes-to-turn-the-shiny-on/off-button side was all she was interested in exploring. Maybe this posed photo of Evie will entice you to come back sooner.

ERIC. SO GLAD YOU'RE HOME. Have some food and go have some bonding time with Evie before we have to give her her bath at 9. She really loves the bonding time with you. Yesyes, then we can hang out and you can tell me all about your day. <HEART FACE GOOGLY EYES>


Saturday, May 21, 2016

Mommy behavior explained Part 1

The baby non-sharer

I always thought that moms who didn't offer to let people hold their babies were just baby hogs/germaphobes/ or crazy baby ladies who couldn't get enough of their kids.

TURNS OUT THIS IS NOT TRUE (at least for me).

IN REALITY, I do not offer you my kid because I'm terrified that:
  • a. My kid will take one look at you and scream therefore turning you off from my kid forever and I will never be able to pawn my baby off on you ever again D:
  • b. My kid will spit up all over you and you will never see my kid as anything other than "the thing that expelled suspicious looking cloudy liquid all over my $600 dress" and I will never be able to pawn my baby off on you ever again D:
  • c. My kid will attempt to gouge your eyes out, rip out your hair, or shove her fist in your mouth and you'll feel so violated I will never be able to pawn my baby off on you again D:
In addition, about 90% of the time I just assume nobody could possibly want to hold this drooly wriggly thing and it's sadly my burden to bear for the rest of my life... or until she's 18.


I mean, who wouldn't want this dainty thing?

Friday, April 8, 2016

4 & 5 months of Evie!

This month you learned to:
4 months
  • Talk nonsense
  • Eat solids
  • Sleep an extra two hours so now you're at a whopping 12 hours per night. THANK YOU 
  • Start teething
  • Kiss daddy every night when he comes home. More like MAKE OUT with daddy until mommy decides it's enough
5 months
  • Sing... like a drunk warbling chipmunk
  • Zip around on your walker
  • Watch animals lounge around
  • Feed Koopa
  • Laugh at peekaboo
  • Had your first Easter!
Expectations vs reality
I like cooking. So even when before I was pregnant and walking through the aisles of baby food I thought "Pbt. I'll just make my own babyfood. How hard can it be?". From there I romantically thought about pureeing carrots while my pot of bolognese sauce bubbles on the side.

I ran out of foods to puree after a week. Turns out I never thought past carrots. Now I crawl through the baby aisle in my disheveled baby mommy state desperately seeking ideas of foods to puree by reading the baby foods. Then I'll grab a few "as backup". Also babies eat a lot.

Baby development
I like babies. I'm fairly good with babies. I've BABYSAT before in my life. I will sing, read, and talk to my baby until my child is so developmentally advanced it'll be reading encyclopedias before preschool.

I can only go through what the Brown Bear sees about 5 times before I want to die. Unfortunately Evie would like to hear what the Brown Bear sees about 50 times. Belly time is better for the baby developmentally? Well not hearing Evie plaintively cry like her life has ended because she'd rather faceplant than use her arm muscles is better for mommy's development. Therefore Evie gets walker time and she can push herself towards the comcast box to entertain herself well before her time.

Running errands... or life
Ohh mannn... 4 months of maternity leave (extended to 7 for cancer treatment)?! SO MUCH TIME! I can do anythingg. I can be the best goddamn cancer ridden trophy wife on the face of this planet. Evie and I will go have afternoon tea and shopping everyday.

Forget afternoon tea. Or morning coffee much to my despair. We're lucky if we can get ready by 2PM as Evie needs her two naps and two meals all before lunchtime. Unfortunately those naps last less than 30 minutes so by the time mommy has recovered from the first round it all begins again. Also I've developed the habit of peeing with the bathroom door open so Evie can walker her way to me at all times. Going to be reallll awkward when we have guests over and I forget one of these days.

Tuesday, January 26, 2016

3 months of Evie!

My sweet little girl turned 3 months!

Things we've learned:
  • This month you learned that you had a right hand. You stare at it while you babble nonsense to it. Shortly after this, you realized you had ANOTHER HAND AND BOY WAS YOUR MIND BLOWN. I woke up at 6AM to you holding up both hands and exclaiming nonsense as you looked from one hand to the other. If it weren't 6AM and I was busy ignoring you so I could sleep, I would have taken a video.
  • You smile and talk so much now! Your worst fear is waking up to no one around. You will wake up freaking out as if you've been abandoned. Like I could abandon you Evie - I'd get arrested.
  • Tummy time is still going on in full effect and you still hate it. However after despairing for 5 minutes you've learned to give up and just lift your head up. Turns out you can lift it pretty high.
  • You somehow managed to escape tummy time twice this month by rolling over. Mommy is not sure if she should be leaving you on tall surfaces anymore..
  • Even though you are 3 months old you seem to think you're a tiny adult. The new thing this month is that you insist that we hold you at the dinner table so you can sit quietly and bob your head to our conversations. Any effort to put you back down results in immediate anger. Any effort to put you in the Bumbo also results in immediate anger. 
  • This month we went on many gai gais. We went to SF, and two kid's birthday parties where we found you some friends
  • We also found you a BEST FRIEND FOREVER. Emilia Kwong was born this month!
HAPPY THREE MONTHS! You've brought us more joy and love than we ever thought possible. We love you! 

Tummy time. After the despair

More tummy time!

Before going with Mommy and Daddy to SF

look how mature you're pretending to be just cause we let you sit with us

Bumbo time

Saturday, December 26, 2015

2 months of Evie!

Evie news

  • Evie has now doubled in size. Looking back at her pictures from a month ago I can't believe we thought she was cute. She looked like a creepy mole rat (sorry baby). Although now my baby's rolls are getting out of control :(
  • Evie started smiling at around 7 weeks. Still not great at talking but she will smize you all day.
  • After lecturing us multiple times on resisting the urge to feed Evie warm milk, we found out that Grandma actually sneaky-feeds her warm milk all the time. So now Evie will throw a hysterical fit when fed cold milk
  • We're pretty sure God made babies super cute so that the parents would resist the urge to kill them when they are waking up three times a night
2 months old! 

Evie's favorite things ever are LIGHTS (dun duns!) She will stare at them alll day

The good
  • Really blessed to have an amazing husband. I AM REALIZING IT MORE NOW. 
  • Also super blessed to have all the family support and friends :)
  • Done with the first 8 weeks of drugs! Onto 12 more cycles/weeks of the "gentler" drug
  • Side effects have been super minimal. I mostly just feel out of it day of and have been generally fine after that. Was able to go to work for a bit before going out officially for "maternity leave"
The bad

  • Some bone pain due to my neulasta shots to restimulate my white blood cell production after chemo wipes it out
  • Worst part was the beginning when getting the diagnosis and starting treatment a week postpartum. AC out of my ACT chemo regimen went pretty well for me but by my last one I was getting super grossed out just thinking about it :(
  • Sooo many drs visits. And I thought pregnancy was bad. On the bright side, I am even more familiar with online shopping and learned how to crochet in my copious amounts of idle time during chemo
  • Not being able to breastfeed anymore was really sad :(. Breastfeeding was something I was dreading the most after giving birth but Evie was a really good latcher and fed really well from the first day. I breastfed for the first two weeks and then stopped as soon as chemo started (for obvious reasons). In some ways it was good because Evie was a pretty good sleeper thanks to not having to wake up every 2 hours to eat from the boob. But it was super hard emotionally for me to give it up :(
The ugly
  • The steroids I get to keep the chemo side effects at bay make it impossible to lose weight :(. So all leftover 13 lbs of baby weight, you and I are about to get REALLL familiar until April. 
  • Yes, this is the worst part - because yknow, priorities. :D

Tuesday, November 3, 2015

Evie's birth story

 Evie is now almost 5  10 13 days old (this is how bad I am about getting pictures off our phones)

I am finally starting to feel a little more human - at least enough to go online. On another note, after 9 days of this nonsense I'm pretty sure the chinese confinement period was created to keep new mothers from feeling human for as long as possible and for the grandparents to steal the baby from you while they force you on bedrest.

SO BEFORE I FORGET (because I'm already starting to), onto the documentation of Evie's birth story.


After we got the ultrasound for the mass in my breast and the radiologist told us it was probably cancer (but before biopsy and results), we immediately scheduled an induction date for Evie. Fortunately she was 38 weeks and a day by then so we were only a few days off from 39 weeks where she would be considered full term. We scheduled the induction date for the following Tuesday and I spent the next few days downing as many vitamins and tea as I could handle to get over my cold. Fortunately I was able to get through my congestion by induction day and I just had an annoying cough left. I think the cough helped me push but was a HUGE pain in the ass AFTER the baby was born cause coughing would hurt everythingg.

Induction day
We were supposed to go to the hospital at 9AM and the OB told us to call an hour before to get a room but when we called at 8AM apparently there had been a baby explosion at the hospital and they were OUT OF ROOMS. We definitely pulled the cancer card there and they put us at the top of the list for us to go in at 3PM (otherwise c-section deliveries usually get priority). Everything was packed for the hospital and in the car so we didn't have else to do but try to speed this baby along. So we went on a longass walk for two hours where my pregnant self had to rest every 30m on whatever sit-able surface we could find. They tell you not to eat before induction in the case you should need an emergency c-section so by 12PM I was super super hangry. FORTUNATELY we called the OB and she said I could eat so I inhaled whatever first store we came across on our walk around Cupertino (happened to be Ike's) and was a far more reasonable human being after that.

At 2PM we headed over to the hospital, checked in, and they put us in this dungeon-esque room to get me set up. I basically just had to change out of my regular clothes and into this lovely pink backless hospital gown, and get hooked up to a couple monitors to monitor my contractions and the baby's heartbeat. After an hour they moved us into a bigger room with a window (thank god cause that dungeon room was pretty depressing) and then the needles started coming so then it became far less fun. So first was a blood draw for something I can't remember anymore, and then they stuck the IV in for the Pitocin and saline to keep me hydrated. The IV was by far the most annoying thing about labor as they left it in there overnight and it was super uncomfortable.

The fun part. Before anything happened. 
First dungeon-room we were in
Bigger room- Eric with his dinner that I could stare and watch him eat D:
IV started - I hate this thing. It was far less fun from here on out

Because I was already 3cm dilated and my cervix was all nice and soft, I could go straight into Pitocin which causes contractions and didn't have to go through an overnight stay where they put a pill in your cervix to chemically induce it to ripen. I had read that Pitocin contractions sometimes hits the mom super hard at 20m but after about an hour I still wasn't feeling much. About an hour and a half in I started to feel cramps that feel like light menstrual cramps and it was totally manageable as I just sat there and watched Netflix.

Around 9PM the cramping got a bit worse but as long as I was sitting on the exercise ball and moving around it was also still totally manageable

By 10PM the contractions were getting pretty strong. Enough so that I had to suck it up during each contraction but felt nothing inbetween contractions. At this point the OB came in to check on me and cheerfully said everything was moving along and she'd come break my water in the morning. I was back to my hangry self and my reaction was IN THE MORNING?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?! I didn't want to ask for an epidural until I was getting close to not being able to stand it anymore as I hear it can slow labor down but by 10:30 I was like well, it's not TERRIBLE but noooo way am I sleeping through the night with this pain to make it to the OB coming in in the early morning to break my water so I asked for the epidural.

Good thing I asked for it then cause right after that the contractions started coming in strong and it was getting pretty painful. The anesthesiologist came in, ordered Eric to sit in the chair in the furthest corner in the room and explained the procedure to me. He mentioned it should be pretty easy cause I'm pretty skinny and then made a fingernail indent where the shot would go. Then he scrubbed down my back with sterilizer and gave me the local anesthesia shot. That stung a bit and basically felt like what you'd expect, a shot in your back but after that it was fine and I didn't even feel the epidural catheter go in. There is a risk that your epidural drains to whatever side is tilted lower so he told me to flip sides every now and then to make sure the anesthesia would be equal on both sides.

Somehow the epidural was only hitting my left side as I could feel my left leg go numb but holyyy shit I was still feeling the contractions on my right side. I was getting a lot of back pain too which I later found out was due to Evie being face up instead of facing my back. At this point I was shaking violently, which I've recently found out my body does when it gets hit with a ton of unexpected pain, and scaring the crap out of Eric. After 15m of lying on my right side desperately hoping the epidural would drain into my right side I demanded the anesthesiologist come back in and fix it. At this point my water broke much to my surprise. Oh also at this point they had also put a catheter in me so I don't end up peeing all over myself. Needless to say, you pretty much lose the ability to feel shame after going to the hospital. I used to worry about pooping during labor but really couldn't have cared less through the whole process.

After the anesthesiologist fixed my epidural catheter by pulling out a bit (turns out it was a little too far in and only going into my left side) I stopped shaking and felt SUPER relaxed. The nurse came in to check and confirmed my water had broken and I was fully dilated. I asked her if the baby had hair and she sadly told me no BUT THANKFULLY THAT WASN'T TRUE. She was going to have me do a trial push to see if the baby progresses but did a quick check and was like "NOPE, baby is too far down and coming now, I'm calling the dr, DO NOT PUSH". I could still feel some pressure (like you have to poop) but didn't feel the need to push or anything so I was totally fine just lying there enjoying my pain free moments.

The OB arrived 15m later at 12:30AM and we started pushing. It was pretty much the most anticlimatic thing ever. By this point I couldn't feel my left leg at all and had also lost the sensation of pressure as the anesthesiologist had given me another dose when he came the last time. Pretty much pushing was just them telling me I was having a contraction based on the monitor and I'd haul myself up into a "pushing" position (basically an ab crunch) that I vaguely remember them teaching me in birthing class. Then after 3 big breaths and 3 pushes I'd flop back down and the OB and nurse go back to discussing where they've been the past few years until the next contraction showed up on the monitor.

This went on for an hour during which I REALLYY wanted to take a nap and remember thinking "I thought pushing was supposed to be fast". The OB and nurse were very supportive and kept telling me good job and in my epidural-induced euphoria I happily accepted all the compliments. Then halfway through the nurse told me that she could now see a silver dollar sized circle of the baby's head and my reaction was "THAT'S IT!?! I'M GOING TO BE HERE FOR A WEEK". An hour later I pushed my last push and Evie came out and the plopped her onto my belly/chest area for skin to skin time. She only squeaked once and I remember poking at her wondering if she was alive. Also I could only see the top of her head so I had to ask Eric to take a picture of her so I could see what she looked like. Evie immediately started rooting and it was super easy to ignore whatever else they were doing to me down there (delivering the placenta and stitching me back up since I tore a bit, but no episiotomy!) and I didn't feel any of that.

From there they finished cleaning me up, weighed the baby, and Eric finally got to hold her after an hour. My labor was technically 3.5 hours as they count it from the time of cervical change to delivery which is SUPER short for a first time baby especially for induced first time baby. I also found out later that I was super lucky as most babies who are in the position Evie was in end up with an emergency c-section.

My mom and sister showed up to see the baby and after a couple hours they wheeled me into the mother/baby room and we signed papers and were pestered by nurses until 5AM when they finally let us sleep.

With a-ma and a-gong at the hospital

So baby spawn, that's your birth story! We love you sooo soo much and you are pretty much the most adorable baby ever :) - we may be a little biased.

1 day old - first football game with daddy

1 day old - first football game with daddy

6 days - Happy almost week old baby!

6 days - i dunno...

9 days - selfies with mommy

9 days - selfies with mommy

10 days - Dressing her up is the entire reason why we had her. 

10 days - First halloween!

10 days - First halloween!

13 days - wide awake at 1AM. Daddy is not pleased.